De Mortuis
by IanPhilippe
Summary: Teddy is already sixteen when a mysterious man appears in the Burrow. A man Teddy knows from the photographs of his Dad; a man who is supposed to be long dead. Sirius Black/Teddy Lupin
1. Chapter 1

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**De Mortuis~**

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**Disclaimer: **If I owned HP, the Epilogue (and a lot of the rest) of book 7 would never, EVER exist. Not even if I were given real Marauders to slash however I like.

**Warnings: ****little AU **(_Sirius-comes-to-life_ and _Teddy-snogging-Victoire-never-happens_, everything else is canon as far as I can tell)**, slushiness, post-DH but pre-epilogue**

**Pairings: Sirius Black/Teddy Lupin**

**A/N:** I've been in love with this pairing ever since that tiny little 'what if' occurred to me (guess I'm just unable to accept death of several HP characters, so I choose to ignore it ;)) and finally I managed to write something with these two crazy guys… hope you like it X3

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Teddy Lupin was looking forward to his stay at the Burrow. It's been a madhouse most of the time, with so many people living in the magically extended building, but Teddy always liked it a lot more than the careful sterility of his supposed home at Gran's. Of course, he'd never say so, especially not to his Grandmother Andromeda. Teddy loved her, but sometimes knowing _it was best for him_ didn't make her overprotectiveness any less bothersome. At times like that it was easiest to escape to the homely chaos of the Burrow, with Teddy's joking Godfather, Harry, with Aunt Ginny who always nagged him about being too thin and with his three crazy cousins who weren't even his real cousins and called him 'big brother' just to annoy him.

Yes, Burrow was definitely a place to look forward to, and Teddy felt a smile on his lips as he strode towards that big messy house to enjoy his last real summer. Next year he'd pass his NEWTs and then be a responsible adult… it sounded alien and unreal to Teddy, but he didn't want to spoil his summer with thoughts of future. Shaking his turquoise head to get rid of unwanted thoughts, Teddy pushed open the front door and entered the well-known kitchen, expecting at least one of the kids spotting him and jumping at him with a high-pitched scream of delight.

Instead, he encountered dead silence, and after a second of engaging his sensitive ears (a genetic gift from his father), he could make out hushed voices in the living room. Teddy, never really being one for discretion, dropped his backpack to the nearest chair and walked through the kitchen, curious about the weird stillness in the house. Just as he stepped over the threshold of the living room, Ginny looked up to him, her eyes widening slightly. But before she could say anything, Teddy's gaze fell on the man who sat on the couch, a man who was a complete stranger to Teddy and yet, he knew who he was. Seemingly broken but still visibly handsome, the man was about the same age as Harry, long wavy hair dishevelled as if he had run through them with his long, slim fingers many times recently, and grey eyes with haunted look to them... Ted remembered that man from the photos his Grandma had shown him many times, so he would know the face of his father. But along with the pleasantly smiling, scarred face of Remus Lupin, Teddy got to know another man, got to know him as well as he ever would know his own father, for that aristocratic, yet kind face with sparkling eyes grinned at him from most of his Dad's photos.

Unconsciously, his mind swirling with the old yellowish pictures of people long dead, Teddy could feel his hair changing to a dark golden colour he remembered from those pictures as his Dad's. It felt as if he was being pulled back several decades, to the times when his father was still alive – the times when the man sitting on the couch wouldn't seem so misplaced here, like a ghost of the past.

"Sirius Black," Teddy whispered, and the man's head whipped around to face him, and it WAS that face, only a little thinner and paler than Teddy remembered from the photos, the hair a little less shiny, but it was him, the dead Azkaban escapee, the godfather of Teddy's godfather... the best friend of his father.

The grey eyes widened, and Teddy felt his heart squeeze with unnamed pain when the thin, dry lips whispered:

"Moony..."

Oh, Teddy knew what that meant. How many times had he heard tales about Marauders, about his father and his friends, tales that seemed so unreal that Teddy wondered if they really ever happened, if his Dad ever was a real person? And now, a tale come alive sat on the old couch Teddy knew so well and addressed him by that unreal nickname, pulled him further into this weird vision and Teddy briefly thought that this was all just a dream, that he'd wake up soon and all the ghosts from the past would go back to where they belonged.

But Harry spoke, and his voice, reasonable and a little quiet, broke the illusion of the moment.

"Sirius, this is Teddy. Remus' son."

"Oh."

The weird disappointment in the man's voice irked Teddy, but he didn't say anything, just stepped further into the room and sat next to Ginny, on the couch opposite Sirius Black. Harry looked like he was taking a breath to ask Teddy to go upstairs, but Teddy threw him a defiant look and his godfather must have understood.

To the surprise of all involved, it was Sirius Black who stood up.

"I need to go outside for a moment."

"But..."

Teddy was very glad those grey eyes didn't look at him. They seemed empty and resigned, and showed something broken deep down inside that man that couldn't be healed with soothing words.

"Harry, I might've missed twenty years, but I do know how to walk and breathe. I'll be back in a few minutes."

With that, he walked out and Teddy's eyes followed his thin, tall frame until the man disappeared outside. There was something about him, something guarded, lonely... Teddy couldn't quite put it to words, but it drew him to that man, as if his mind started quietly wondering whether his dad would have the same feel about him, were he still alive. That man, that stranger by the name of Sirius Black was the closest thing to Teddy's father, the only one who could tell him more about Remus Lupin than the well-known stories... and Teddy wasn't going to pass up the opportunity.

"I guess it'll be even harder than we thought..."

Teddy snapped out of his thoughts when he heard Harry speaking. His godfather was adjusting his glasses, a gesture he usually made only when upset or nervous. Teddy raised one dark golden eyebrow at him.

"What happened? I thought he was dead."

Harry sighed:

"So did we. But my squad found him at the Ministry several hours ago – he managed to curse two Aurors until he realized that the fight's already..." Harry sighed again, and his voice got very quiet as he looked up at Teddy again: "For Sirius, not even a day had passed. Not even an hour. When he saw me, he called me James, just like he called you Moony right now. There's nothing wrong with his mind, though... he... just needs to adjust to the idea that in a blink of an eye, twenty years have passed."

Teddy stared at the wall behind Harry's ear. He couldn't even imagine how it would feel, to just blink and loose twenty years of his life. Or even worse – to suddenly realize that the world has aged so much, while he stayed the same. All his old friends dead... suddenly it struck Teddy:

"Does he know Dad's dead?"

It wasn't painful to talk about that, not for Teddy who lived with the fact his parents are not here anymore for his whole life. But it was surely different for Sirius Black – it was hard to start thinking about him as anything else than _Sirius Black_, in messy scrawl and black ink, just letters with no real person behind them.

Harry nodded.

"We've told him the most important things. That Voldemort was defeated, that Moody and Remus are dead... But there wasn't much time – actually we've arrived from St. Mungo's just a little while before you came. They wanted to check him properly... but he's fine."

"Physically, that is," Ginny said, with a sigh just like her husband's. Teddy's eyes strayed to the back door he could see from his seat.

"Can I go talk to him?"

He saw how Ginny and Harry exchanged glances, and frowned. He hated it when they did that, communicated just through looks and little gestures only they could interpret. It always felt like he was left out, and that was the feeling he hated most, feeling like he didn't really belong anywhere from time to time. Teddy knew it was foolish, that he always had the door open to either Harry and Ginny's place, or Ron and Hermione's, that they all loved him like their own son, and in a way, he was, he was the first child they all had together and took care of when his father died, they all felt responsibility for him... but still, sometimes Ted couldn't help but feel he belonged in a different era. Like he had missed something important, a piece of his past connected to his parents that would make him whole... he had heard enough stories about his Mom from his Grandma, but there was still an air of mystery around his father that no one could lift.

No one, until now. Until the dead man from the photos was revived.

"I'll go talk to him," he jumped up from his seat, and Ginny smiled at him:

"Go. But if he wants to be alone, just leave him, okay? Maybe he needs a little more time to adjust to this whole... thing."

"I'm not a kid," he pouted, his young age betraying him anyway. He might have been an adult already formally, but sometimes he still felt like a kid, like he couldn't ever grow up completely. He walked through the kitchen and opened the door, expecting the man to just stand there, or maybe to be already far off in the distance. What he didn't expect was a big black dog curled up close to the wall, staring to nowhere.

The animal lifted his head when he noticed Teddy, but didn't bother with more, and the big head settled back on the black paws.

Teddy considered leaving, but the dog didn't snarl or growl at him and Teddy took that as a silent invitation. He sat down in one of the chairs on the porch, and looked curiously at the dog. There was nothing about the animal that would betray his original form, and Teddy, an animal lover and a-little-bit-of-a-werewolf had to resist the urge to pet the thick fur.

The dog's eyes strayed a little to the side to check whether Teddy was still looking at him. After several attempts like that, when the silence was just crossing the 'someone should say something' line into the territory of 'uncomfortable', the dog changed back – it didn't take as long as Teddy always imagined it would. At one moment, there was a big dog standing up, and in the next second there was a man straightening his back to his full height. And his eyes still had that curious dog look – except there was much more weariness in them now.

"What do you want?" Sirius Black asked, in a voice that wasn't rough or barking as Teddy always imagined it. He wondered briefly what else had he imagined wrongly, and a little pang of fear sprang up in his mind – what if the image he had of his dad was all wrong?

"Could you tell me something about my Dad?" he tried, because he wasn't really sure what he wanted from Sirius Black. Only thing Ted knew was that he wasn't going to let Sirius Black off the hook easily. He'd make the man tell Teddy anything and everything he could remember about Remus John Lupin, and then he'd maybe loose this weird unreal feeling.

Sirius Black laughed, and this time it did sound like a dog's bark. Teddy found himself looking down the man's back to search for a wagging tail, and immediately brought his eyes back to that pale face, ashamed of himself for the stupid idea.

"Teddy, was it?"

Hearing his name from this man's lips got Teddy thinking about his Dad again, his mind quietly trying to assign this deep voice to a fatherly figure. Maybe his Dad's voice sounded a little like this... though Teddy couldn't really say he felt something more than what he usually felt when hearing his name.

"Yes. Teddy Remus Lupin, that's my whole name."

He didn't know why he felt that urge to tell this man his whole name, to tell him the name he shared with his dead father – just as he didn't know why this man laughed at that, and extended one thin hand towards him.

"Sirius Black. Though I assume you know who I am..."

When Teddy took his hand and shook it, those grey eyes lingered on him a little longer, that disconcerting gaze holding something alien to Teddy, something he couldn't quite read. Then, Sirius Black pulled his hand away and looked to where the sun was beginning to set behind the grassy hills, his face coming alive with the warm colours of the sunset for that moment.

"You look so much like him."

For some reason, that quiet sentence stirred deep down in Teddy's stomach like a snake trying to find a comfortable position.

"If it bothers you, I can look different," Teddy said quietly, suddenly not wanting to be an image of an unreal person, someone he didn't even know. Maybe it was just the fear that his Dad wasn't the same person he had dreamed out according to what people told him, but nonetheless Teddy had his reasons why he didn't go around looking like his Dad all the time.

Sirius Black just smirked, but Teddy wiped that grin off his face when his facial features shifted a little and his hair changed colour to his now-favourite turquoise.

"Better?" he asked, unable to suppress a smirk himself, while Sirius Black just stared at him.

"Tonks was your mother?" he asked, and the slight disbelief in his voice told Teddy that this man probably wouldn't be able to tell tales about the love between Teddy's parents. It seemed like it was a shock for him, and Teddy raised an eyebrow, but before he could say something, Sirius Black waved his hand dismissively.

"Go back inside, Teddy, I need more time before I can talk about things like this."

Something in his voice stopped Teddy's protests, but before he went in, he'd swear he heard a quiet _"much more time"_ added.

Then, there was a big black dog again, and Teddy went in with a sigh.

~*~*~*~*~*~

He spent the rest of the evening answering Jamie's endless questions about Hogwarts – the boy was going next year, and after several rather upsetting things he had heard from the older boys in the neighbourhood, Teddy had to try hard to persuade James that really, there was no troll involved in the sorting ceremony, and indeed, it wasn't a habit that first-years got initiated by sleeping in the corridors with angry poltergeists. Then, Quidditch was mentioned, and Harry joined their little debate, and before Teddy knew, Ginny was urging the kids to their beds, accompanied by the usual howling and whining along the lines of 'just five more minutes, Mom'.

Teddy's eyes strayed to the back door:

"Is he going to sleep out there?"

Harry smiled softly at him, but Teddy could see it was more of a reassuring smile than a reassured one.

"Once, he told me that he had survived Azkaban and kept his sanity only because he changed into a dog. That being a dog dulled his emotions so that Dementors couldn't feed off him. I guess that's what he's trying to do now – dull all this so he won't go mad."

Teddy was glad Ginny was upstairs with children – that meant Harry could be this honest with him. Ginny was always like a mother to Teddy – which also meant a little – or a lot – of that sometimes annoying overprotectiveness. And that included giving information that could be 'disturbing' for him.

"He seemed pretty upset when you told him who my Dad is."

Harry just shrugged at that:

"I never had time to get to know Sirius very well, Teddy. But I think he blames himself for missing yet another of his best friends' children. He was in Azkaban when I was growing up – and maybe he is upset because he missed your childhood, too."

It seemed rather improbable to Teddy – somehow, that disturbed look in Sirius Black's eyes didn't correspond with just being sorry for missing his childhood. There was something more to those grey eyes, and Teddy was determined to find out what it was.

"Just go to bed, you must be tired," Harry spoke again, and gave Teddy a genuine smile. He stood up, patted Teddy's shoulder and left him to think about things he knew nothing about.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Later that night, Teddy was sleeping in James' room which had two beds from the times Harry and Ginny believed James and Al could share a room – later, it was proved that leaving those two alone together begged for a catastrophic scenario, but the old spare bed remained for the times when Teddy came to visit for more than a day, just like now.

It took Teddy a few seconds to realize what woke him up – it was a hushed conversation from the outside and Teddy shifted closer to the window to hear what they were talking about – he could make out Harry's voice, and he had no doubts that the other person was Sirius Black. Teddy could hear better than normal people, especially when the full moon was so close. He wasn't a true werewolf, but he had inherited a few traits – just like better hearing or a keen sense of smell, but also headaches that usually hit him on the day before full moon. In school, his friends sometimes made fun of him, asking him whether it was 'his time of the month'...

Teddy snapped out of his memories and focused on listening to the conversation – especially when he heard his Dad's name involved.

"...and Remus died like a hero, during the Battle of Hogwarts."

There was a deep sigh, and the voice of Sirius Black sounded tired, just like his eyes had looked earlier that day when Teddy talked to the man.

"It's hard to accept, Harry. For me, it was just a month ago that we talked to you through the Floo about your Dad, and suddenly he's dead and you're older than me. It's... like I don't belong here. You know... I lost almost half of my life to Azkaban, and when I thought it was getting better... this happens."

"You do belong here, Sirius. You can't imagine how happy I am you're here, alive. When you... when we thought you died, I felt like I lost the only family I had left."

A bitter, barking laugh, then silence for a while. Teddy thought Sirius Black wasn't going to answer, but he did at last, so quietly Teddy almost couldn't hear.

"The catch is, I never died from my point of view, Harry. I didn't spend twenty years somewhere, trying to get out. I just... blinked, and suddenly everything I knew was gone. It's not that I'm not glad I can be with you, see your kids grow up and so on... but... I just feel like... I'm useless. I couldn't do anything to protect your parents, and then I failed with Remus, and now there's nothing I can do about that."

"You didn't fail, Sirius. It was just an unlucky coincidence."

"Snape was right after all. I wasn't involved in anything important."

The bitter tone made Teddy take a deep breath. The old photographs really weren't good witnesses to a person's true self – in the pictures, he always saw Sirius Black as a cheery fellow with a spark of mischief in the grey eyes, and the man down there with Harry was just a tired, regretful old man.

"Think about it as being lucky, Sirius. You could've fought and died in the war."

"But I did, didn't I? For twenty years."

Another bitter laugh, and Teddy's imagination brought him ideas of how it would feel to close his eyes, then open them and see everyone age so much. How it would feel to suddenly see James and Al and Lily in their thirties, while he, Teddy, still remained seventeen. How it would feel to realize all his friends are dead, and he could've done something about it if only he wasn't somewhere far away without even knowing he was there. And Teddy felt sorry for Sirius Black, for the shadow of that smiling, winking teenage boy he knew from the photographs, because of what he had turned out to be.

Then he heard his own name, and that brought his attention back to the conversation he most definitely wasn't supposed to hear.

"Teddy thinks you're upset about him."

"I'm not."

"Sirius..."

"A little. But it has nothing to do with him personally. More like..."

"More like with the fact he's Remus' son?"

"A little," Sirius Black repeated and Teddy fought an urge to get up from his bed and open the window a little so he could hear better. Maybe he'd find out what it was that disturbed this man so much about him... maybe he'd learn something about his father even.

"You know, you can still be a father to him."

There was another laugh, this time a little more high-pitched and a lot more bitter.

"I don't want to be a father to him, Harry. I tried that with you, and I failed, exactly because you were James' son. I saw him in you – heck, I see him in you now; you look even more like him... With Teddy, it'd be even more complicated..."

"Because you missed twenty years?"

"Because this morning, I believed no son of Remus would ever exist, and suddenly Moony is dead and my kind-of-nephew is seventeen."

Teddy exhaled slowly – it was the first time it really occurred to him that Sirius Black wasn't only his father's best friend, but also his mother's uncle. Or something like that... Grandma sometimes mentioned her favourite cousin Sirius, but to this moment Teddy never really imagined a real person behind all those stories. Never thought he'd MEET that person.

"You believed... you thought Remus wouldn't find a woman because he was a werewolf?"

A snort, then a chuckle.

"I'd never even think about it like that. It was because Moony..."

There was a pause, as if Sirius Black didn't really know what to say, and after a while of silence Harry must have made some inquiring gesture, because the man continued dismissively.

"I don't want to talk about it. It's in the past anyway, isn't it?"

"Sirius..."

"Leave it, Harry. There are things you don't know and it better stays that way. No need to dig up the past."

"I'm not a boy anymore, I can handle whatever it is-"

"You think I haven't noticed?! Yes, you are even older than me now, but it's still hard for me to adjust to that fact! And you're still my best friend's son, which means I'd like to keep some things private."

Teddy couldn't see Sirius Black's face, but from the tone of his voice he could imagine that the man didn't allow any further discussion. After just a few seconds Harry must have got the hint too, because the back door to the house closed with a quiet slam. Teddy settled into his pillows with determination to find out more first thing in the morning. There were obviously things about his father Sirius Black knew, and Teddy would make him share even if it would be the last thing he did.

~*~*~*~*~*~

After breakfast, Teddy was sitting through another Beauty Salon session with Lily, which meant that he grew his hair past his waist and let Lily play with it, entertaining the little princess by changing the colour of the tiny braids on request. He was her favourite "brother" exactly for this, and he couldn't help but smile as he felt how careful she was not to tug his hair too much.

It was then Sirius Black appeared, making Teddy remember what he had heard last night. He looked a little less haunted than when Teddy first saw him the day before, but he was still too pale, too thin, too... Teddy suddenly wondered whether those were the marks Azkaban had left on this man. From what Harry had told them, for him it's been just three years since he escaped from the dreaded prison, clearly not enough time to wipe the traces of _twelve_ years from his face.

As he looked at Lily and Teddy, a smile appeared on his lips, which brought him back to the realm of living people in Teddy's eyes – that smile was the first thing that made Teddy believe that this man was more than a faint echo of an old photograph, more than two words in ink, Sirius Black. And when Lily suddenly lost interest in Teddy's hair and stepped from behind his chair to scrutinize the man under the careful gaze of seven-year-old eyes, Teddy couldn't help but feel curious about how this man would react.

He just looked at the little girl, a small smile still on his lips as he sat down heavily on the nearest chair and grabbed a toast from the plate on the table.

"Uncle Sirius?" Lily asked tentatively, and his smile widened - instinctively, that much Teddy was sure about.

"Yes... Lily?"

The name sounded a little rough coming from him, and Teddy remembered that this man knew Harry's parents, went to school with them. He was supposed to be in his early sixties, probably, or very late fifties, an old man with his own children or even grandchildren... it was really all screwed-up.

"Daddy told me you could change into a dog," Lily continued, unaware of the heaviness Teddy could sense in the air. Or maybe he was just overly sensitive, trying to catch any clue about how to understand Sirius Black.

The man grinned, and for a second a flash of that mischievous teenager from the old photos returned to his thin face.

"Wanna see?"

Lily clapped her hands happily, her smile even wider than his, and for that moment before a big black dog took his place, it seemed to Teddy that Sirius Black almost looked young again.

When the little girl threw her arms around the big dog's neck and squeezed, and the dog gave her a long, slobbery lick up her cheek, followed by her happy laugh, Sirius Black, the unreal character of tales and photographs became a real 'Sirius' in Teddy's mind.

~*~*~*~*~*~

By the afternoon, it seemed as if Sirius was always a part of their family. He carried Lily around on his back in his dog form, making her squeal from delight. He let the boys ask endless questions about Marauders and the mischief they had done in their times, and even though Ginny swatted his arm and admonished him about teaching her two 'innocent little sons' bad manners, she listened with just as much interest and laughed here and there. It made her look like a schoolgirl again, and Teddy couldn't help but feel that Sirius was charming his way to his own heart as well. It also made him feel the loss of his own parents a little more than usual – he wondered whether his Dad would be like this too, a little crazy, but warm and caring like a big dog. But he let the darker thoughts pass unnoticed through his mind – Sirius was really good at amusing people when he wanted to, and when Quidditch was mentioned and Harry suggested a little match, Teddy got to know that Sirius was a decent player as well.

It was an uneven match, and not because a team of two (girls, as Jamie had pointed out, giving Teddy's still braided and long hair a mocking look), Teddy and Ginny went against three, Harry, Sirius and James, but also because Harry proved again to be a terrible Keeper and Ginny didn't seem keen on the idea of 'letting her poor abused husband keep at least some dignity' (as the said husband put it when she scored for the sixth time and Sirius threatened to bite Harry's ankles when they got to the ground if they lose).

Sirius, on the other hand, seemed to enjoy the mere feel of flying more than the game itself, as Teddy could see the older man was quite reckless with the Quaffle, the only ball they had in this improvised game (because of the lack of players, and because of the lack of Ginny's approval to let her kids anywhere near a Bludger that could break their bones in an instant. Though it seemed to Teddy she was more concerned about the health of other people if Jamie got hold of something so dangerous.).

When they landed, all sweaty and tired and hungry like wolves, Ginny disappeared in the kitchen to whip up at least a pretence of dinner, while Harry was practically dragging Jamie behind to apply some potion to the place on James' forehead that had collided with a tree branch during a particularly impressive stunt that would've been more impressive if said little flyer looked out for inanimate objects. Teddy had just flopped down to the ground, landing in the thick grass and breathing heavily from laughing too hard and flying around too long, and it wasn't long before he heard rustling of the grass nearby that told him Sirius had followed his example.

"So... you alright now?" he asked, and then mentally kicked himself – it was as if he had just said 'so you don't worry about losing twenty years of your life and most of the people you knew anymore?' – but he never really was one for diplomacy. Grandma used to tell him he got that from their side of family as his Dad used to be a really polite person.

Sirius looked at him, but instead of that hollow gaze from yesterday, there was still that spark in his eyes, followed by a soft smile.

"Not alright, but it's getting better. Somehow I'm beginning to see a brighter side to things."

"For example?" Teddy smiled back, and Sirius laughed – it was the first time Teddy heard that sound coming from the depths of Sirius' chest like something heavy was lifting off. It was a light, happy laughter, nothing like the quiet bitter chuckles he gave yesterday, and it made Sirius look so different that Teddy wondered whether it was the same person just a few hours ago talking to Harry.

"For example I'm not yet too arthritic and senile to beat your sorry ass in Quidditch, kid."

"We girls beat you by fifty points," Teddy threw his hair over his shoulder theatrically, and Sirius laughed again.

"Just you wait when I whip Harry into proper Keeper shape. You won't stand a chance."

"Right. By then you WILL be arthritic and senile." Teddy saw Harry play so many times he knew there was nothing that could be done for his godfather's Keeper skills. He could be a decent Chaser if he wasn't in the mood for letting his kids win easily against him, but as a Keeper he was hopeless.

"Hey, I'm famous for fooling the natural course of time, if you haven't noticed," Sirius winked, and Teddy felt his heart squeeze. Somehow it wasn't right. Sirius was joking and smiling, and there was nothing that would betray he wasn't really as happy as he looked, but that comment woke Teddy's sixth sense. He could always tell when someone was feeling down, that is if he tried to look underneath the smiling facades, and right now, that same sense was tingling with the feeling that indeed, Sirius was trying to look like everything was fine, but there were some things that bugged him.

"You know... I'd still like to hear about Dad from you. If you ever want to talk about him."

He said it quietly, tentatively, and the smile on Sirius' face withered a little, but didn't disappear completely when the grey eyes looked into Teddy's own, right now soft brown to match Ginny's and give them a 'team look'.

"One day I'll tell you all about him, I promise. Just... not right now. For me... yesterday this time I was still able to talk to him, and now... you know."

Sirius sat up and ran his hands through his long, slightly tangled hair. Teddy resisted the urge to pat his shoulder – he couldn't imagine how it must feel to lose the best friend. Except his parents, no one so close had ever died on him, and he had been too young then to really remember the time _they_ died. He lived with that fact for so long that he usually didn't feel their loss so much, but the knowledge someone had talked to his father just _yesterday_ was so bizarre it almost felt as if his Dad could come alive too, walk through the door of Burrow anytime soon and just wave and smile as he did on Teddy's old photos, play Quidditch with him like Sirius just did... but it was an illusion. Teddy's Dad didn't disappear behind a mysterious veil – he died in the Great Battle of Hogwarts, a hero, and his body was buried six feet under the firm ground of an old wizard cemetery, near his own parents and side by side with Teddy's mother.

Suddenly an idea struck him as a sad feeling of shared loss came over him when he looked at Sirius.

"Do you... do you want to visit his grave?"

For a moment, Sirius was quiet. Then he turned his head and looked at Teddy, and Teddy got scared he had overstepped some invisible boundary of privacy, but Sirius just nodded, his face solemn.

"Might help me to get used to this time and place," he said quietly, and Teddy nodded back as both of them got up when they heard Ginny calling them for dinner.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The rustling of the trees was the only sound disturbing the profound silence of the small cemetery. Most of the graves were so old that if there wasn't magic involved, the little engraved letters would be already unreadable – but magic was present even in this dead place, and here and there Teddy could see those three words carved into stone, words that were nothing but a phrase to him, a person who grew up in peaceful times. _Hero of War_.

The words appeared also on the tombstone Teddy and his Grandmother visited from time to time, usually on one of his parents' birthday, and then on the anniversary of their death. Grandmother always said that visiting the graves wouldn't bring back the dead, and it only brought sadness to the living. Teddy grew to agree with her on that point, though for him, there was no real sadness involved now. He used to come here since before he could remember, and to be honest to himself, Teddy couldn't really imagine how it would feel to have his parents with him. He could 'imagine' it according to what he saw in other families, but the thought of_ him_ as a part of such family was... unreal.

But this was something different – this wasn't just a usual mourning trip or an attempt to decorate the graves of your family better than the neighbours. Teddy wasn't sure if he was right, but he thought this visit should help Sirius somehow come to terms with the reality he was a part of now. He expected the older man to cry, even though he didn't know why – Teddy never saw any adult cry, but somehow it seemed appropriate in a situation like this. However, Sirius' eyes remained dry as he stared at the names engraved in the stone. _Remus John Lupin. Nymphadora Tonks._ For Teddy, those names weren't much more real than the photographs he knew, but for Sirius, they must have meant real people – people he had seen just the day before. Teddy couldn't even imagine that.

"They weren't married?" Sirius suddenly spoke, and his voice seemed quite normal, not broken or rough as Teddy had expected.

"They got married quietly. In August, ten months before they died. Grandma told me that Mom kept her maiden name so Death Eaters wouldn't know, and wouldn't use it against them."

Teddy spoke almost mechanically, just repeating a distant tale he heard, but it still brought a small smile to Sirius' lips, his eyes never wavering from the stone:

"I bet it was _his_ idea."

Teddy shrugged: he didn't really know anything about that. He didn't look at the grave – didn't need to (he could just close his eyes and imagine it perfectly, with every unevenness of the stone, every chipped corner, ever since he had spent that one whole day when he was fourteen just staring at the tombstone, trying to feel something.). Instead, Teddy looked at Sirius, studying his features and wondering what this man thought, with his expressionless face betraying nothing at all.

They stood like that for a while, until at last Teddy got a little impatient. Being able to keep quiet and still wasn't what he was known for, even though his reputation of being crazy and wild was just an exaggeration of some of his better pranks.

"Should I... leave you alone with them?" he asked tentatively, but Sirius looked at him with a smile and shook his head.

"Not really. It's just a stone. I still don't feel like he's dead, and standing here won't suddenly change that."

Then, for the first time Teddy realized that when Sirius did talk about his dead parents, it wasn't 'them'. It was just 'him', just Teddy's Dad... and that only proved Teddy's guess that Sirius knew _something_ about his father. He couldn't guess what it was, but it was something, sure it was.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Teddy noticed Ginny's knowing looks when they got back, and also the way Harry raised one eyebrow a little, just like he did every time one of his kids was about to ask something unpleasant.

But Sirius kept quiet, at least when it came to the unpleasant things, and through the dinner behaved a lot more normally than what was expected of him in that situation. He asked a few things about the War, but seemed to cope well with all the information he got – though it was true that he didn't get any ugly details, as Ginny's warning glances told Harry to keep the brutalities in his answers to the minimum while children were in hearing distance.

Teddy's hearing distance, however, was a lot wider, and fortunately for him, most of his family seemed to forget about this little fact more often than not. So when they were outside, enjoying the last sunrays of the late July evening, he was able to hear another part of the tale that was supposed to stay a secret, at least for him.

Sirius was in his dog form again, making especially Lily ecstatic, what with her love for animals. Teddy remembered how Ginny sometimes joked during Christmas break, with all the Weasleys and their families gathered in the crowded Burrow, that if Charlie didn't get married soon and have his own kids, she'd give him Lily and they could play around with weird beasts all day long together. Now, looking at her red hair flowing freely in the air as she ran after the big black dog, laughing and yelling usual dog orders after Padfoot, Teddy truly understood what her mother meant by that.

The dog and the girl ran over the meadow like in an idyllic Muggle movie Teddy saw once, and then disappeared for a while in the small forest not far from the house. When they emerged again, Padfoot's fur was all tangled and full of thorns, leaves and thistles, which made Lily laugh even louder as she ran back to the house, seemingly tireless.

"Daddy, Daddy, can I brush Padfoot's fur?"

Harry just raised an eyebrow at the big black dog questioningly, but with the small approving nod of the large head, he transfigured the nearest old boot into a suitable brush and handed it to the girl.

No pained wails echoed through the clearing in the next twenty minutes, which meant that either Sirius was divinely patient, or that Lily was good in combing out thistles from animal fur. Teddy would bet on the first option, but he didn't have enough time to look anywhere as Al was getting dangerously good at Exploding Snap, and even for someone who could morph his looks anytime, it wasn't that pleasant to have his eyebrows burned.

When the sun set almost completely, the boys managed to talk Ginny into 'ten more minutes', while Lily stomped away pouting that she wasn't allowed to sleep with Padfoot. Ginny was still suppressing chuckles as Harry took their youngest child inside with a promise of a good-night story if she'd drop the idea of animals – and especially animagi – in her bed. With the corner of his eye, Teddy saw the dog transform into a man again – it seemed that the good brushing of a dog took some effect on his human hair as well. They weren't as tangled and seemed a little softer, but Teddy was forced to focus back on the dangerously vibrating cards in his hands again. Then, he heard Ginny speak, and made his best effort to hear what they were talking about while still saving his eyebrows from their coming doom.

"You need a haircut."

"Has anyone ever told you that you've come to resemble Molly a lot?"

A chuckle from both, and Teddy didn't hear Ginny's answer because Jim's card exploded and he just barely saved his fingers. But when he glanced back over his shoulder, Ginny was already aiming her wand at Sirius' head, and the man was sitting down, already resigned to his fate. Through the quiet snapping of the cutting spell, Teddy could hear the next part of the conversation.

"You can't be a dog forever."

"Why not? Lily seems to like me."

"We all like you. But it'd be nice if we could talk to you without you chasing your own tail."

"I don't chase my tail," Sirius' voice was playfully offended as he tried to save his dignity. Ginny just chuckled.

"That's not the point. You're still young-"

"I'm not."

"Do you want me to charm your hair green? You're exactly the same age as me, and if you're calling me old…"

"Technically, I'm fifty-eight."

"De facto you're thirty-five, which means you have about fifty years to go, maybe more. That's an awfully long time to spend as a dog."

"I already pulled off twelve in Azkaban."

"This is not Azkaban. And we're not Dementors."

For a while, there was just silence filled with the snapping sounds of the spells and the crackling of Exploding cards, and an occasional mutter from one of the boys. Then, Ginny called them inside, and when Teddy came closer, he saw that Sirius' hair was now shorter, falling to his eyes and barely brushing his shoulder. It made him look younger, almost boyish, and Teddy hurried upstairs to his bed, hoping to hear more. When Jim was finally settled and Teddy held his breath so he could catch what was happening outside, the important things seemed to have been said already.

"…and it's not so uncommon nowadays. I mean it wasn't even that uncommon when I was at Hogwarts," Ginny was saying, and Teddy frowned a little. That didn't seem to have anything to do with him.

"That may be so. But it's still different to accept it about a friend than know it about _his father_. I don't see any point in telling him. And… I'd rather you don't tell Harry either."

"He won't bite your head off."

"I know."

"And he won't think less of you."

"I… yeah, doesn't seem like him. But…"

"I won't tell."

"Thanks."

Then, the door croaked, and Teddy frowned in the direction of Jim's bed, where the boy was already sound asleep. If only Teddy could hear the whole conversation… it seemed that Ginny now knew something important, something Teddy didn't… and something Teddy _craved_ to know. He swore to himself he'd try to find out soon, and fell asleep, dreaming of dogs chasing something he couldn't get a hold of.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Next few days were a whirlwind of visits from the people who once knew Sirius Black – mostly, they were members of the Order, each of them carrying a status of hero. Teddy knew them all, and spent the first few visits within the hearing distance, trying to catch something that might give him a clue what was the big secret about his father. But when these first attempts failed, Teddy gradually realized that either he'd manage to somehow make Sirius tell him personally, or he wouldn't ever know.

And then, an opportunity came after the visitors stopped coming and Teddy almost forgot the secret altogether, too busy trying to follow Sirius' explanations when the older man helped him with his Transfigurations homework. Uncle George showed up and persuaded Sirius to come to his shop and help him with his new project, which was something loosely based on the old Marauders' Map. Teddy immediately came up with an excuse to go to the Diagon Alley with Sirius, and though Ginny's look was a little too knowing, she didn't say a word as the two of them Floo-ed to the wizarding district.

Sirius seemed torn between 'awed' and 'disturbed', seeing the Alley, and Teddy, though he didn't share the sentiments, understood him a little. From what he knew, Diagon Alley used to be a much smaller, private place once, a real street, but now, it was more of a district, with several streets crossing the original alley and stretching far to both sides. There were many shops, most of which sprung up only in the last decade, and also many apartment buildings, which was quite surprising for Sirius when he learned that fact. Teddy himself couldn't even imagine a smaller Diagon Alley – which was sometimes called Diagon Valley now for its size and also for its shape, reminiscent of a small, shallow valley because of some magical measures taken so it could become a bigger place.

But Sirius' initial surprise was nothing compared to his slack-jawed expression when they stood before the bright yellow building called 'Order of the Phoenix Museum – War History in Twelve Rooms'. There was a whole room dedicated to 'Harry James Potter, The Chosen One, Saviour of the Wizarding World' and in the other eleven, there was basically everything connected to the war. Tactics and information which were once classified, moving pictures showing how the Battle of Hogwarts went, replicas of horcruxes, lists of traitors, spies for the Light, Death Eaters (and how they met their end, or at least what punishment they received), and the last one was the Memorial Room, full of photographs of those who had fallen as heroes during the War. This room was the largest, and to Teddy, it was a little disturbing every time he went to this Museum, to see how many good people died – but it was history for him, nothing but names which filled him with distant awe at their bravery. Sirius took almost a whole hour to look at the smiling, waving photographs of the dead, and Teddy could see him wince here and there as people he could still talk to several days ago were now reduced to a name plate and 'Died During the Battle of Hogwarts' or 'Tortured to Death'.

After that, Sirius seemed almost too keen on leaving that bright and colourful, yet sad place, and they went for a big ice-cream to the parlour that used to be there even forty years ago when Sirius went to Hogwarts.

"At least _some_ things never change," Sirius winked at Teddy over his chocolate and berry ice-cream, and Teddy felt that indeed, some things didn't – like the wink he knew from his Dad's photos.

Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes was a big building occupying almost half of a small alley, bright purple with large golden letters, and Teddy had to grin just at the sight of it. He loved the shop – and George was one of the coolest semi-relatives Teddy had, even if at times, he switched to a darker modus operandi as he remembered his dead twin. But those times were few and all kids of the Weasley family loved Uncle George a lot. Teddy hoped he could cheer Sirius up, as George didn't have time to come to Burrow and see Sirius since he got back.

But when George, several inches shorter and already getting on the plump side, saw Sirius, he just hugged the man warmly, and Sirius' wide eyes said he didn't expect that. The hug didn't last for more than a few seconds, and then George smiled, a little 'darkly' as Lily once put it – it was that kind of smile older people used sometimes, people who had seen the War and lost someone in those battles.

"I know it's bad now. It'll take one hell of time, but it'll all fade eventually."

Somehow, Sirius smiled, genuinely and warmly, and Teddy couldn't help but feel that these not-very-encouraging words helped the older man a lot more than all the phrases from other people. And then George put on his 'business look' and patted Sirius' shoulder, steering the man to the back of his shop:

"See, there's this thing that keeps bugging me about the Tracking Spells you might have used on the Marauders' Map..."

Teddy spent at least an hour in the shop, just looking around over the shelves full of magical toys and sweets, but also protective charms and some harmless, but useful things like Stain-Cleaning Quills. Then Sirius came out from the back of the shop and there was still a smile on his face and a glint of life in his eyes.

**TBC...**

**CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM VERY MUCH APPRECIATED, as I'm a little stuck with this story right now...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **If I owned HP, the Epilogue (and a lot of the rest) of book 7 would never, EVER exist. Not even if I were given real Marauders to slash however I like.

**Warnings: ****little AU **(_Sirius-comes-to-life_ and _Teddy-snogging-Victoire-never-happens_, everything else is canon as far as I can tell)**, slushiness, post-DH but pre-epilogue**

**Pairings: Sirius Black/Teddy Lupin**

~*~*~*~*~*~

When they came back to the Burrow, Harry handed Sirius a little golden key. Sirius raised an eyebrow at it, until Harry told him what it was.

"It's a key from your vault at Gringotts."

Sirius' eyes widened, and Teddy thought he wouldn't accept the money from Harry, but Sirius seemed to understand a little more.

"You haven't used it...?"

"Not even a sickle. I couldn't."

Sirius' eyes lit up with the smile that appeared on his face as he took the little key and placed it carefully in his pocket. Then, Teddy understood that it probably meant hope for him – hope that someone else, _Harry,_ held when it came to Sirius.

After the lunch, Harry spoke again.

"There's not that much left in that vault. You should find a job soon."

Sirius just nodded absentmindedly; to Teddy, it didn't look like it's that important for Sirius to have money.

"Maybe you should think about a new beginning. You know... a job at first, then... other things later."

Sirius looked at Harry rather sharply, but Ted could see that his godfather was in one of his 'helpful speech' modes, which meant he'd go through with the whole thing and then try to persuade Sirius to accept.

"I asked a few friends at the Ministry, and-"

Sirius' eyes widened at that, and he interrupted Harry (to his obvious displeasure).

"You have 'friends' at the Ministry?"

"Sirius, I work there," Harry said impatiently. "I'm the Head of the Auror Department."

Sirius gaped at him, and for a second Teddy thought a derogatory comment would follow, but in the end Sirius just smiled at Harry:

"James would be proud."

"Thanks," Harry answered a little tensely. Teddy winced at that; he had learned already that comments about Harry's dad were better left out of the conversation. One never knew how Harry would react – whether he'd be pleased or annoyed. And the latter was a little more frequent.

"Well. I asked a few friends at the Ministry, and I found a job for you."

"I don't need-"

"Yes, you do. You don't know many people right now, and you need all the help you can get if you want to be independent again."

Sirius sighed – to Teddy, it seemed like he definitely had something to say, but couldn't, as he felt thankful to Harry and didn't want to seem ungrateful. Teddy understood that the key from the Gringotts vault was most probably a gesture to make Sirius unable to decline Harry's offer. And Teddy had a feeling it wouldn't go very well.

~*~*~*~*~*~

With Sirius off to work, Teddy quickly got bored the next morning. In the past few days he became used to Sirius' presence, his light-hearted joking, serious conversations about things that had happened in the past years or just his silence. The house had been busy with visitors and Teddy liked listening to adults talking about past ever since he was a kid. He started listening as he hoped to find out something about his Dad, but gradually he came to like history, the kind of not-that-long-ago, the history people he knew had lived once. With Sirius, a lot of that kind of history seemed to fill the Burrow's living room, and Teddy missed that now.

Thanks to Sirius' help, most of Teddy's homework was finished, too, as they found out that Teddy would be taking his NEWTs in the same subjects as Sirius did. They spent several days over the books and papers, and Teddy couldn't believe Sirius could turn even homework into so much fun.

Frankly speaking, Teddy was terribly bored now that Sirius was gone, and neither of his cousins could completely fill the gap, even if Lily tried her best and invited him to at least three plush-toy tea parties in just two hours. So he drank her tea and chatted absentmindedly with her dolls, but even Lily could feel he wasn't up to much fun at the moment and didn't ask him to join the next tea party, which was to be held in about twenty minutes, when she would have managed to gulp down her lunch as quickly as possible.

Teddy ate too, but couldn't help craving something to do. He even went and asked Ginny if there weren't gnomes in the garden or something, but she just gave him a raised eyebrow.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah... just a little bored."

"Then you can help me with this report," she held out a roll of parchment and waved it in front of his face, "read it and tell me if there are bits that are hard to understand, okay?"

Teddy nodded and did as he was told, but even as he was reading one of the best Quidditch reports Ginny had ever written, he found his mind straying to Sirius and what would the man say about this or that particular sentence, chuckling here and there when a remark only Sirius would've said crossed his mind.

At last he was thrown out of Ginny's study as diplomatically as he'd been thrown out of Lily's room, with an advice to go play Quidditch with the boys or something, as he clearly wasn't focused enough to be any help.

But when a Quaffle nearly took his head off as he wasn't paying attention and James told him to not play if he didn't feel like it, Teddy's last hope of having any fun vanished, and he opted for a nap in the sun-lit garden.

The sun was already noticeably lower when a slam of the door woke him up. He scrambled to his feet quickly, knowing that Sirius came back, and went inside, when he heard someone growling – it was Sirius, and Harry was saying something about responsibility.

"I'm not going back there," Sirius muttered and the tone reminded Teddy of James, when he was six and Ginny refused to buy him a real racing broom. He chuckled, but stepped inside no matter how tense the atmosphere sounded. He'd had enough of eavesdropping – well, or at least there wasn't much he could learn from listening to this particular conversation, and he was too eager to see Sirius to waste time lurking behind the door.

"Hey, Harry, Sirius... how was your day?" he asked cheerfully, hoping to relieve the tension a little, but he just got one pained and one pissed look in his direction.

"It would be better if Sirius here didn't tell the Prime Minister of Britain to sod off."

"It was an ACCIDENT, I didn't know he was the Prime Minister! Seriously... he looked like a-"

"Sirius, he just asked you for directions! It doesn't matter who he was or how he looked like!"

"While I was having my lunch! Couldn't he see I was eating?!"

Harry growled something unintelligible, brushed his hand through his hair desperately and went upstairs, most probably unable to endure this type of conversation much longer. Sirius went on scowling until Harry was completely out of hearing distance, and then he plopped down on the nearest chair and shot Ginny a pouty look.

"I'm not going back there."

"Of course you're not," Ginny sighed and gave Sirius a conciliatory squeeze on his shoulder as she brushed past him to start making dinner.

Teddy couldn't help but grin at Sirius' expression, and when Sirius saw him, he stopped pouting and gave Teddy a wink.

~*~*~*~*~*~

But despite what Sirius said, Harry must have persuaded him to give it another try, because the next morning he went to work again. Teddy, already knowing what the day would be like, decided to go to Grandma's. He wanted to pay her a visit so he wouldn't need to listen to her pestering about how he always vanished to the Burrow and left her alone, but also he wanted to see if there would be any things that could tell him more about Sirius' – and his Dad's – past.

After he had a few cookies and a glass of pumpkin juice (and told Grandma about Sirius' latest mischief at Ministry, as Sirius had been quite talkative later in the evening, when Harry had stopped frowning at him), Teddy went up to his room to dig around in the box of old things of his parents, which he had found during past years. Some of them were given to him by his Grandma, but they were mostly Mom's things, her old photographs and sketchbooks. There wasn't much left from his Dad, except his old, chipped wand which Teddy didn't use, but kept safely put away, and a few little things that were found in his room at Grimmauld's Place after the war.

Teddy ended up with all his prized possessions spread out on the floor as he sat in the middle and looked through them, trying to find something that would give him a clue as to what could Sirius be hiding about his Dad. He shifted through his Mom's things as well - maybe it was something she knew, too – and before Teddy knew it, he had spent several hours just looking at the sketches his Mom had made in her sketchbooks. It always calmed him to look at those pictures, though they were messy and mostly unfinished, made just to capture a moment or a pose quickly before she had forgotten them, until she had had enough time to turn them into proper paintings. The pictures captured movement quite nicely and Teddy's favourite ones were of wolves and dogs, because he always wondered whether it was his Dad in them, or at least the way his Mom imagined Remus Lupin.

As he skipped through the last pages of the last sketchbook, he noticed a leather-bound book on the floor, too small to be a sketchbook and too plain to be his Mom's, as her sketchbooks were usually colourful and tattered. This small book seemed in better shape, as if its owner didn't carry it around carelessly. Teddy picked it up – he vaguely remembered waving it off as one of his Mom's, bought for some reason and never used. But now, he noticed that it wasn't THAT new – as he opened it, the edges of the blank pages seemed much-handled.

But why would someone shift through blank pages...?

A wave of excitement washed over him.

"Reveal yourself," he whispered, wand pointing at the pages. For a split second he expected something forbidden to appear, but nothing did, the pages stayed carefully blank, and that made Teddy want to know what this book was even more. He had a pretty good hunch. Could it be... a diary? Maybe his father's...?

He looked up to the window just to give himself something to stare blankly at while he thought, and he noticed it was late already. Ginny would be worried if he didn't return and he didn't really want to stay at his Grandma's for the night, so he got up, quickly put all the other things back in the large box just with a flick of his wand and took the small, mysterious book with him to inspect later.

~*~*~*~*~*~

When he got back, Harry and Sirius were at it again, and this time it sounded more serious.

"I'm not going back and I mean it!" Sirius yelled just as Teddy stepped into the kitchen and gave them a questioning look.

"Hi everyone," Teddy said tentatively as he spotted Uncle George in the kitchen as well, arms crossed over his chest and frowning, before he gave a little smile to Teddy.

"Don't you think you can do more than create candy?!"

"I earn more 'creating candy' than you ever will at the Ministry," George's voice was dangerously low, and Harry scowled at him.

"You know I didn't mean it like that, George. It's just that... he's one of the last pureblood aristocrats who aren't rotting in Azkaban or put under house arrest. He could achieve a lot in politics, if only he weren't adopting this 'I don't give a shit' attitude-"

"Harry!" Ginny frowned at him and inclined his head towards Teddy, and then staircase, where, Teddy didn't doubt it, James and Albus eavesdropped on this quarrel.

Harry sighed and threw his arms around exasperatedly.

"He could have great influence on what's happening with the whole wizarding Britain, and the fact that he'd rather spend his life in a candy shop drives me mad!"

"I would've never guesses that James' son would turn into a stuck-up politician," Sirius said, and there was contempt in his voice, which seemed to enrage Harry even more.

"And I would've never guessed that you'd throw away your chance to actually do something meaningful, after all the whining about being confined to Grimmauld's Place."

Sirius' face looked like he'd take out his wand and curse Harry, but he just grit his teeth.

"You're so not like your father."

"Because guess what?! My whole life doesn't consist of reliving the past, and yours shouldn't either! If you think that at George's, you'll be allowed to wallow in self-pity and live in the delusion that you're back to Hogwarts with 'Marauders', you're sorely mistaken! Tell him, George!"

Uncle George just raised his hands defensively, but his sneer was offensive enough.

"I came to offer Sirius a job because he knows things I have use for. I don't pretend to be a psychoanalyst, like some of us."

Harry frowned and stared, and for a while Teddy thought they'd all just take out their wands and start cursing each other. The tension in the air was so high that even Ginny didn't say a word – usually in situations like this, she'd offer both arguing parties a cup of tea to calm down, but now she only looked from Harry to George with helpless expression on her face.

At last, Sirius spoke, and his voice was very quiet and very strained.

"Then I guess I will not bother you with my 'delusions' any longer."

With a flick of a wand he summoned his coat and went out to the late evening, followed by Uncle George and Ginny's apologetic look.

Harry sighed and sat down heavily on the chair he'd been gripping so strong that his knuckles turned white. Anger seemed to have left him and only weariness remained in his eyes as he ran a hand through his hair and looked at Ginny.

"What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing, I guess..." she came closer and put her hands on his shoulders, massaging lightly, "I know you meant well. But don't you think he's too old to be led by his hand? Sirius needs to decide what to do with his life himself."

Teddy felt uncomfortably out of place there, so he walked to the cupboard to see whether he could find something small to eat, and then disappear to his room to examine the small book he had found.

"But a candy-maker... he was never-"

"He never got the chance," Ginny interrupted Harry again. "What do you know? Maybe if there was no war and then no Azkaban... maybe _George_ would be the one trying to get a job at _Sirius'_ shop."

Harry sighed:

"I guess you're right. I just wanted to give him a chance. When... before he... he always said he wanted to do something useful, so I always thought that were he alive, I'd give him the opportunity..."

"You thought he'd live out your wishes instead of his memories," Ginny said softly, with understanding in her voice. Teddy desperately searched for some food, and was glad when he found some cookies to take upstairs. He felt like he was intruding on their privacy, though they didn't seem to mind.

"Could it be that I'm doing exactly what he's doing...?" Harry asked quietly, and caught one of Ginny's hands in his. "Projecting the past into him..."

Teddy went upstairs to James' room quickly – and just as he expected, the boys weren't eavesdropping anymore. When the storm that came with Sirius left, it wasn't that interesting anymore.

Teddy munched on the cookies while trying to think of every revealing spell in existence, he even took out his NEWTs 'Advanced Charms', but the pages of the small leather-bound book remained completely blank. Teddy eventually gave up on it and put it in his bedside table as a mystery to solve in the morning.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The whole next day, Teddy tried to ask Ginny and even owled his Grandma about spells that might reveal a hidden writing. He told them it was for a school project, but somehow he felt they didn't believe him.

However, they tried to help honestly, listing a few spells he didn't even know about, but to no avail. Whatever the little book was, it was hidden carefully. Obviously someone didn't want others to dig around in its contents, and that made Teddy even more curious.

Neither Sirius nor Uncle George appeared, which probably meant they were working on whatever Uncle George was developing now. With the small book, Teddy was too busy thinking up ways to reveal its secrets and even making a potion that could theoretically un-spell it. After two days of careful stirring, boiling and heating, however, it turned out to be pointless. The pages stayed mockingly blank, no matter how much of the potion Teddy spread on them. So he threw it at the bedside table again, exasperated from the time wasted on this.

But then, at least something took a turn for the better, as in the afternoon, a loud roar sounded from the outside, and Teddy, who was just helping Ginny prepare dinner, looked at her with a raised eyebrow. Half an hour ago the sky was completely clear and it didn't seem like it would rain, so the thunder sounded really out of place. But the sound seemed to get closer, and when both Teddy and Ginny, wands in hands, came out of the house, they saw a motorcycle setting down to the ground from the sky.

It carried one brightly smiling, clearly excited Sirius Black. Ginny chuckled, and Teddy's jaw dropped:

"Wow," he managed. He had heard about the flying motorcycle from Harry and Grandma, but he never could really imagine it - imagine how... _cool_ it was.

"Sirius… did you just spend a fortune on this?" Ginny asked with a raised eyebrow, her hands crossed over her chest disapprovingly.

But Sirius didn't seem like anything right now would be able to spoil his fun.

"Yup. Want a ride?"

Ginny continued frowning for about a second, then she giggled like a schoolgirl and threw her apron at Teddy's head, walking closer to the bike.

"You shouldn't even have to ask!"

Before Teddy knew, they were both waving to him from about ten feet from the ground, and then they disappeared except the distant thunder. Teddy chuckled – Sirius really was crazy, but Teddy was glad that he was back. He didn't even realize how he missed the man in these past three days.

They returned half an hour ago, when Harry was just about to enter the kitchen. Teddy saw how his jaw dropped, too, when he saw his wife giggling, her face a little reddened from the excitement and from the wind that tousled her hair too. Sirius seemed equally excited, and Harry couldn't help but smile when Ginny slid from the back of the motorcycle and hugged Harry.

"Welcome home," she kissed him softly, then giggled again, "Merlin, I always wanted a ride on that flying bike, ever since I first heard about it when I was a kid."

Harry smiled, and his smile didn't completely wither away when he looked up at Sirius, though there was some nervousness hanging in the atmosphere.

"You spent your whole fortune on this, didn't you?" Harry asked the same thing Ginny did before, and Teddy smiled at that – they did it a lot, repeated what each other had to say without even knowing it, and it made Teddy feel like a part of the family when he witnessed a moment like that. A part of the most wonderful family there ever was.

Sirius smiled back.

"You could say so. And add the expenses of bribing the Ministry guys who didn't think it was completely legal to have a flying bike…"

Harry raised an eyebrow, but Sirius just waved his hand:

"Don't worry. When I reminded them that they wrongfully let me rot in Azkaban for twelve years and then almost fed me to Dementors, they were VERY helpful suddenly."

Harry couldn't help but chuckle now with Ginny, who openly laughed at Sirius' self-important expression.

"Now I'm absolutely sure you should be a politician," Harry said, but it was accompanied with a wink, and Teddy felt from the way both Sirius and Harry looked at each other that they've just settled for a quiet truce about the question of Sirius' job.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"George thinks you should come try out the research too," Sirius told Teddy over Ginny's perfect roast beef.

"You know, a Weasley-Black-Lupin alliance. Since Potter is a prude," Sirius winked over the table at Harry, who playfully scowled at him. Teddy shrugged:

"I don't know if I'm good enough."

"You are," Ginny stepped in, and in the same breath shut up James, who was opening his mouth: "And yes, you first have to attend Hogwarts before you can join them and save the reputation of all non-prudish Potters."

James stuffed his mouth with potatoes and gave her a hurt look.

"That revealing potion you did yesterday was perfect," Ginny continued, and turned to Sirius immediately: "Do you know some revealing spells or potions? Teddy asked me a few days ago, but I couldn't remember more than the basics."

Sirius shrugged, and Teddy wanted to disappear. What would Sirius think if he knew that Teddy was trying to find out his secrets? His and Remus Lupin's? Maybe he'd even recognize the small book if Teddy showed him... if it really was Dad's diary. Teddy thanked all gods for his Mom's abilities, so he could mask the quite spectacular blush that crept up to his face.

Thankfully no one noticed, and Sirius shook his head:

"Sorry, I was better at concealing things than revealing them. I managed to conceal the Marauder's Map so well that no spell or potion or password could un-conceal it... it took me three tries to get it right, and I thought... Remus and Peter would kill me, because they had to re-draw it again and again... But George might be able to come up with something."

The memory seemed to give Sirius' eyes that melancholic mist again, and Teddy was sure Ginny noticed it too, because she quickly countered with a story of her own failure at learning one spell when she was in Hogwarts. Sirius laughed heartily at that, and Teddy wondered which pained him more: to remember the friend who was a traitor, or the one who was dead.

Then, James' curiousness won over his pride, and he turned to Sirius with shiny eyes:

"When we're talking about the Map: how did you do the spell that keeps it up to date? I mean: the greenhouses on the east side have been there only since Neville became a Herbology Professor, but it's in the Map now..."

Sirius wanted to answer, but Ginny was quicker as she raised her voice and looked at her eldest son sternly.

"James Sirius Potter, did you just say what I think you said?! Didn't your father and I forbid you to take it?!"

James seemed to shrink several inches in his seat as he looked up guiltily at his mother. Teddy chuckled – James was always like that, pulling off a secret prank perfectly, and then babbling until he convicted himself.

Teddy glanced at Sirius, and saw that the man was just sitting there, looking wide-eyed at Harry.

When Teddy's godfather noticed it, he smiled a little apologetically:

"Yeah, I kept the Map... I couldn't just give it to anyone."

"You... named your son after me?" Sirius asked quietly, so quietly that it was almost inaudible, and Teddy believed he was the only one who could hear the moved tremble of his voice.

Harry just looked at Sirius, as if he didn't know what to say to that, and the dining room went quiet for a little while. Teddy thought he saw a wet glint in Sirius' eyes, but then, James, oblivious to moments like this as usual, exhaled:

"Wow, really. I'm named after you! That's super-cool! Can I ride that bike later?"

Ginny couldn't help but burst into laughter, and soon, everyone except James was laughing.

"Much, MUCH later. As in: when you're an adult," Ginny said, and James frowned again.

"How come I can never have fun," he muttered, but Sirius winked at him:

"I'll take you for a ride after dinner, okay?"

James' eyes lit up, and even Ginny couldn't protest against that when she saw two Siriuses with the same excitement in their faces.

~*~*~*~*~*~


	3. Chapter 3

Teddy pushed the back door open as quietly as he could, but it creaked anyway and he winced – it was as if the whole house was tuned in to Ginny, letting her know when a stray wandered in. He knew he was going to be reprimanded, but that knowledge didn't make it any more appealing, especially not in his current, slightly irritated state.

Not that he'd get irritated just because of the lack of sleep – he had slept maybe two hours, three, maximum. What ticked him off more was the feeling that he was missing something important; the feeling he got back at Sirius' place. Around two, Sirius' stories turned from slightly melancholic to funny and crazy, and instead of just him and Teddy's father, they began to be about Moony, Padfoot and Prongs, with an occasional bitter mention of Wormtail. Those stories were hilarious and Teddy, already half-wasted on the whiskey, laughed and asked and craved more of them, but something in his mind was flashing in red light, warning him that Sirius wasn't telling all there was to it. That behind his smiles and jokes and funny stories, there was something that only reflected in the older man's grey eyes here and there, and Teddy couldn't help but feel ticked-off about not knowing what it was. Around three, Teddy was too wasted for any subtle effort at finding out, and for Apparating too, so he had decided to stay the rest of the night, and after that, he could only remember waking up in Sirius' living room, covered by a thick Weasley-made blanket.

That was about fifteen minutes ago, just the amount of time it took him to walk down the Diagon Alley to the Apparation zone and get back to the Burrow… and hear the footsteps that brought his wrath.

"Where have you been?!" Ginny practically growled out at him. Even in her chaotically colorful bathrobe she was threatening enough for Teddy to consider running away.

"Bed empty, no note, no warning… do you know how scared I was?!"

"I was at Sirius'," Teddy mumbled and moved to the cupboard to find some anti-headache potion – not that he wasn't used to headaches once a month, but the slight hangover that was thumping in his skull now was something utterly different. She ran down the rest of the stairs and glared at him, her thin arms crossed over her chest.

"That's it?! No explanation, just 'I was at Sirius''?" she mocked his tone of the voice and it made him chuckle as always – which earned him a swat over head.

"I almost died of worry, you moron! Why would you go to Sirius' place in the middle of the night, anyway?"

"I overheard you and Harry talking, and I wanted to ask Sirius if it was true," Teddy shrugged, and only belatedly realized that admitting to eavesdropping probably wasn't the best apology in the world.

Ginny threw her hands up in the air.

"Can't anything be discussed in this house without someone 'overhearing'?!"

"With Al and James in the house, you should've already gotten used to it," Harry's voice quipped in as he walked to the kitchen and hugged his wife from behind, placing a loud kiss on her cheek:

"So what are we flipping out about today?"

Ginny swatted at his shoulder too, but his presence seemed to calm her down just a little, for which Teddy was more than grateful. Ginny could be a really nice woman, but she could also make all hell break loose if she was pissed off about something.

"About young man here eavesdropping and then spending the night out without telling me," she grumbled, and Harry threw Teddy an amused glance over Ginny's shoulder:

"Oh?"

"It's not like that. He was at Sirius'," she rolled her eyes at Harry's expression, which changed from amused to puzzled immediately.

"What did you do at Sirius' place so late at night?"

Teddy shuffled his feet, and it was Ginny who answered, somehow making it sound ten times worse than it appeared in Teddy's mind.

"He heard us talking about Sirius, apparently, so he decided to just go out in the middle of the night like that, to check up on the facts himself. What I want to know is why you haven't left a note, and why you haven't come back until now!"

Her piercing gaze bore into Teddy and demanded an immediate answer. He swallowed hard and sighed, deciding to come clean or Ginny would surely restore to Veritaserum. She was like that – crazy about her family's safety, but Teddy guessed that anyone who survived a war and had her brother killed in it would come out crazy that way.

"Sorry I didn't tell you?" he tried an apologetic grimace, but he could tell Ginny didn't buy it. She had Al and Jamie after all, and they were the masters of puppy-faces, especially the younger one. "And I only came back now because I was a little drunk and didn't want to Apparate."

"Drunk?!" Ginny roared, and Teddy shrank back as always when this thin, small woman decided to flip out. "Do you hear, Harry?! We have to seriously talk to Sirius! He can't just go around serving children alcohol-"

"I'm seventeen already," Teddy attempted feeble defence and got a glare that made him regret it instantly, along with a finger pointed right at him.

"That doesn't mean you should be going around getting drunk!"

As if on cue, flames crackled in the fireplace and Sirius' head appeared in it.

"Hey, anybody here- oh, hey," the head smiled when he spotted the three of them, "I've just decided to check if Teddy got home alright."

"If you're so concerned about his safety, you shouldn't have let him drink!" Ginny scoffed, and the fire-Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

"You know very well what, Sirius! Teddy's just an innocent boy, he's not your drinking buddy-"

At that, Harry's hand came up to cover his wife's mouth and Teddy turned away to hide a chuckle at her narrowed eyes. He decided it best to not point out that his innocence was a rather shaky matter, at least in the alcohol field.

"Why don't you come here, Sirius," Harry said calmly and Sirius stepped out of the fireplace, brushing the ashes off his shirt and sweatpants that ended somewhere at the ankles of his bare feet. It looked as if he had just woken up, and the idea that he was concerned enough to check on Teddy made Teddy feel the connection between the two of them again. That was all the more reason to feel irritated because of that wall of secrecy Sirius seemed to have built around himself… and all the more reason for some serious effort to cross that wall.

But it didn't seem this was the right time for crossing anything as Ginny wiggled in her husband's arms and managed to set herself free with a mighty bite. While Harry was busy touching the teeth-marks on his palm, she scowled at Sirius:

"Sirius."

"Yes?" something in her tone made Sirius lower his voice as well and frown just a little. It seemed as if he knew what was coming already, and with all those 'Marauders' stories from last night, Teddy was sure that Sirius had had his fair share of scolding to know when one was coming to him.

"You shouldn't drink with Teddy. He's still a child and-"

"He's not a child. He's seventeen. At that age, your husband defeated Voldemort."

Ginny seemed to wince at that name a little, but her frown deepened.

"Teddy isn't Harry."

"I noticed," Sirius' reply was full of biting sarcasm, "but I think he's old enough to know what he can and cannot do. I remember you not caring much about whether children hear inappropriate things when YOU were young."

Ginny gasped, clearly outraged.

"That was twenty years ago! Now I'm a mother and-"

"And you act exactly the way that annoyed you when you were fourteen," Sirius said, a weird tone of satisfaction in his words and a smirk on his face, which only enraged Ginny further as she pointed her finger at him.

"I will NOT take advices on how to raise my children from the man who spent most of his life away from reality!"

"Teddy is NOT your child!" Sirius yelled, and Teddy gulped. He didn't like being the centre of this argument – at the moment he didn't even like being in the same room, and from the look on Harry's face, he wasn't very happy with this either.

"He might as well be! And he's not your son either!" Ginny shouted back, and Teddy's heart clenched at that. He knew he was sort-of-a-son to both Ginny and Harry, but to hear it out loud always made him feel moved, and a little sad.

"Sirius. Teddy is not Remus," Harry decided to step in, serious expression on his face, and Teddy unconsciously frowned at that. What was everyone talking about... of course he wasn't his father. That was clear to everyone... so why Harry kept repeating it so much?!

"Merlin, I've had this conversation about a year ago. Remember, Harry?!" Sirius threw his hands in the air exasperated, not unlike Ginny had done not so long ago, "When it was about YOU, you didn't care about being too young. And yes, thank you very much, I KNEW you were not James. And that Teddy is not Remus."

"But it took these past twenty years for me to understand what Remus meant when he said that you certainly don't act like you know the difference," Harry said darkly, and all seemed to go still in the small kitchen. Even Ginny's frown turned to a warning glance she threw Harry – but he didn't stop. "Sirius, he's gone and you should get used to the idea of not being able to turn back time."

"We'll see about that," Sirius growled in a low voice and with a green flash of the fire, he was gone.

Teddy gaped at the fireplace in astonishment. He wanted to tell Ginny and Harry it wasn't Sirius' fault... but somehow the argument seemed to turn into something else completely. It didn't sound like it was about Teddy drinking anymore...

~*~*~*~*~*~

Both breakfast and lunch were spent in silence, at least for the three oldest members of the household. James, Al and Lily were quite loud and made up for the quiet adults, and Teddy was secretly glad for that because the awkwardness didn't show when James was busy trying to talk his parents into letting him to some sleepover birthday party of his friend.

After lunch, Ginny pointedly busied herself with the dishes and Teddy walked past Harry to his study, hopeful the situation was calmed down enough to ask what all that was about.

When he asked, Harry sighed and took a minute to think. Just as Teddy was beginning to think he wasn't going to get an answer, his godfather started talking unhurriedly, as if he still fought to put his ideas into proper words.

"Sirius never got to live his adult life properly. First he was locked up in Azkaban, then he was locked up at Grimmauld's Place and then he vanished for twenty years. He might be well over thirty, but he still acts like a sixteen-year-old. Deep down in his soul he needs to grow up first, and that'll take some time."

"It's not very nice to talk about him like that," Teddy said slowly, because Sirius didn't seem immature to him at all. Though if he said it out loud, his godfather would just smile and say it was because Teddy was in that age himself. And Teddy was so sure it wasn't the reason.

Harry smiled that understanding smile of his, and Teddy felt like Harry could see into his head.

"It's not my idea. It's your father's. Though it took me twenty years to understand what he meant."

Teddy's eyes widened at what that implied – it felt a little like betrayal to him, on Sirius' behalf, even though he was aware he was taking it a bit too personally.

"Dad thought Sirius was immature?"

Harry sighed:

"Your father had a difficult life. As a werewolf, he had to work hard to earn at least enough to survive through another month. That taught him a lot about taking care of himself, and about responsibility. I've hardly ever known a person more reliable than Remus Lupin. Sirius... never had to do anything like that. A year or two after graduating from Hogwarts he could still live off the money his uncle had left him, and then... Azkaban. He never got his chance to grow up and that's why..." Harry gulped, then looked down at his feet, "that's why I think it would be better for you to not see him until he's got it all sorted out."

"What?!" Teddy yelped in surprise, but in an unpleasant one. He didn't like that idea at all, and not just because he wasn't that used to people telling him what he could and couldn't do. Even if his Grandma and all his Weasley-parents did sometimes tell him things like 'be careful' and stuff, they never really used phrases like 'I don't want you to see that person anymore'. Choosing friends, according to Harry, was something that he needed to do himself, on his own, and it was too important to meddle in, even if they meant well. Teddy silently agreed with that and apparently, Harry remembered that part too, because he sighed again and ran his hand through his hair.

"Of course, I can't order you around. I just think it would be better."

Nonetheless, Teddy's eyes narrowed in rising anger. Why was everyone trying to convince him that it was better if he didn't meet Sirius?!

"I don't. I'm his friend-"

"You're not," the chill in Harry's voice didn't admit any objection, "you've known about his existence, but you only really got to know him these past two weeks. That's not enough to be able to say that you know someone. And especially not Sirius, who has trouble knowing himself."

Teddy frowned and his hands clenched into fists as he remembered last night, Sirius' flat and the stories he had heard and the connection he had felt there, connection between him and the older man that didn't stem from his resemblance of Remus Lupin at all.

"I know what he's like, and he's not confusing me with Dad!" Teddy growled, and Harry raised his hands in a slightly defensive gesture.

"Teddy... calm down. I'm not telling you he doesn't like you. I'm telling you he's projecting his regrets and hopes. Life's been cruel to him, he never got a proper chance to say goodbye to either my father or yours, and... we're... replacements. He's not doing it deliberately, I'm sure of that, but... he's doing it. And he's hurting himself. That's why I'm asking you to not see him for a while."

"No! Until HE tells me to stop bothering him, I won't just stop talking to him!" Teddy heard his own shrill voice bordering on hysterics, but he didn't care. It was rare that he got so agitated about something – but this here seemed like both Harry and Ginny were trying to take that precious connection away from him, and he was reluctant to give it away just like that.

"I'm afraid... Teddy, it seems to me that you are doing the same as him. But Sirius is not your father, nor will he ever be able to replace him."

"You're just jealous because he spends more time with me than with you!" Teddy yelled, and he knew he had crossed the line the second the words passed his lips, but he went too far to be able to go back, so he ran out of the study, slamming the door behind him and feeling bitter and scared and angry. He knew it was stupid, deep down in his reasonable part he knew, but it didn't make the bitterness go away. It really felt like that... what with Sirius telling Harry that he was nothing like his father... with him spending time with Teddy, talking and laughing and just... understanding.

The more Teddy thought about it, the more pissed-off he got. When he stormed through the kitchen, he didn't even bother giving some explanation to Ginny's and Al's inquiring looks – he just walked out of the house and to nowhere. He needed some time to think, and to cool off a little.

Did Harry think they were both stupid, Teddy and Sirius? That they couldn't tell people apart, long-dead people from living ones? No, Teddy thought. He wouldn't stop his visits to Sirius' place. After all, the man was lonely there since George had his hands full with his pregnant wife and their hyperactive son. And with the way Ginny just bitched at him all the time recently, he probably didn't feel very welcome at Burrow.

Teddy frowned into the distance and Disapparated. His 'nowhere' just changed into 'somewhere'.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Diagon Alley was busy and noisy as usual, and the superficial silence of the Memorial Room in the Order of the Phoenix Museum seemed like another world to Teddy. Another suffocating world, and he let his eyes glide over the familiar faces – how many hours he had spent there, imagining which of those people were his father's and mother's friends, imagining birthday parties or Christmas dinners or just ordinary everyday situations with those people and his parents.

'Remus Lupin – Died During the Battle of Hogwarts' and 'Nymphadora Tonks - Died During the Battle of Hogwarts' were near the centre of the wall dedicated to the Order members, not far from Dumbledore's picture, and Teddy knew their faces and all the movements their photographs made by heart. His mother winked, then waved, then stretched and seemed to have tripped over something behind her because her arms flailed around like a windmill and her eyes went wide. Her hair turned light pink when she straightened up and giggled, and then waved again.

Father just stood there and smiled, as if uncomfortable being on a photograph alone, but then he raised his hand and waved tentatively as well. Teddy's eyes bore into that face he had memorized and re-learned so many times, every worry line, every scar. Was it really that similar to his own...? He stared at his reflection on the glass that protected the photographs for a while, then deliberately shifted his cheekbones and his nose a little to resemble that of his father's even more. He looked back at the photographs and adjusted his hair from turquoise to deep hazel. Yes... NOW he looked like his father, or maybe like a younger, unscarred version of him.

And yet, Teddy would bet Sirius could tell the two of them apart, the father and the son, without as much as blinking. Sirius wasn't confusing him with anyone... and he would prove it to Harry. Resolutely, Teddy walked out of the Museum towards Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes.

He walked inside the store, but he couldn't see Sirius anywhere, so he turned and took the stairs right to the man's flat. He knocked, but no response came and so Teddy checked the door knob. It turned out that it was open, and his better half told him that he was intruding, but he pushed that thought away and stepped into the small hall nonetheless.

"Sirius?" he called, but again, no response came, and so Teddy kicked off his shoes and let himself in, intending to wait for Sirius in his living room. He often heard that if something was worth doing, it was worth doing well, so if he was intruding anyway, he could as well do it properly... but when Teddy walked in, he saw Sirius sprawled on the couch, snoring quietly. Near the couch on the ground, there was an empty bottle of Firewhiskey, and Teddy was almost certain that it had been almost half-full last night when he had fallen asleep on the same couch last night. So Sirius must've finished it today – the room surely stank of alcohol enough for that to be true.

Teddy sighed and stepped closer, sitting on the small edge of the couch that was available. Probably that whole argument back at the Burrow touched Sirius in some ways Teddy couldn't understand... and he really wished to get it, if not for his own sake, or for knowledge about his father, then to provide Sirius with that feeling of understanding Teddy had felt here the last night.

He shook Sirius' shoulder to see whether he could be woken up, and Sirius stirred, cracking one eye half-open. As he turned his face more towards Teddy and thus towards firelight, Teddy could see half-dried tear streaks staining Sirius' cheeks and it startled him tremendously. It was the first time he had seen Sirius express his sadness so explicitly and he wondered whether Sirius had just managed to realize that his friend was gone for real, whether that was the reason he had drunk so much.

But Sirius actually grinned up at him – it was the tiniest of grins, with just one corner of his mouth half-raised – and shifted on the couch a little as if to provide more space for Teddy to sit.

"I've had a bad dream," he spoke, his voice quiet and raspy, and Teddy felt something convulse in his chest when he raised his hand and caressed Sirius' hair as he had seen Ginny do to her children when they were sick. Sirius wasn't sick – he was just dead drunk, Teddy could see it in his face and smell it in the air, but the rush of gentleness towards this not-so-old, lost man washed over him like a tidal wave and he couldn't resist the need to touch Sirius as if he were a small boy, a brother or maybe a son to him.

"I'm here. It was just a dream," Teddy spoke softly and smiled down at Sirius – it seemed to have calmed him, and Teddy didn't really care to know what the dream was about. He could imagine it – it was surely full of death and screams and helplessness, and such dreams were best chased away by not dreaming at all... Teddy made a mental note to write some of his friends who were taking Advanced Potions and ask about the Dreamless Draught he had heard about.

Until then, Sirius just needed to sleep this off and he'd be fine. Teddy leaned over Sirius to help him get up and into the bed – from personal experience he knew that sleeping on that couch could seriously hurt one's neck, and Sirius had enough to deal with in the field of emotional pain, he didn't need physical pain added to that as well.

But Sirius caught his wrist and the seriousness in his eyes made Teddy wonder whether he really was as drunk as his speech indicated. His words slurred a lot, but his eyes were awake and scared as he spoke.

"You were... dead. And I... could never get you back."

Teddy opened his mouth, but no answer came out. He sat down heavily on the couch again and tried to read the rest from Sirius' face – but nothing more than genuine fear was there, and Teddy began to wonder what else was behind this.

Sirius tried to sit up and Teddy reached out to help him, supporting him as he put his hand under Sirius' back. He was rewarded with a small smile, and Sirius' face was very close, not unpleasant even with the whiskey smell and tear-stained cheeks.

Then it came even closer and Sirius was kissing him, just a brush of his rough lips against Teddy's own, soft and gentle and lingering, and Teddy's heart thundered madly in his chest, the only thing he could think about being, oddly enough, how he just proved Harry wrong.

The kiss ended before Teddy could even begin to fully register it, and Sirius' hand was big and warm and firm on Teddy's arm.

"I love you, Moony. I wanted to wait until I'm sober to tell you... so you'll believe me this time... but I'm afraid I'll wake up and you'll be gone again."

He leaned up and kissed Teddy again, not a big, romantic or erotic kiss, just an affirmation of his confession, and Teddy was too shocked to do anything. His Dad... and Sirius. So you'll believe me this time. His Dad... who was supposed to love his mother. And they got married just a year after Sirius died.

It was too much to take, too much to think about even if it had been just one-sided love, even if this time meant that his father had never accepted Sirius' feelings... but it all messed with Teddy's head too much. He couldn't stay a second longer – he pushed up from the couch and forgot immediately that he had previously wanted to help Sirius to the bedroom. Right now, he was worried about things more serious than a cramp in the man's neck... he ran out and left Sirius where he was, sure that Sirius wouldn't even remember next morning, but even more afraid he WOULD.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Teddy flopped down on the spare bed in James' room, as relieved as never before that James was sleeping over at his friend's house. It provided Teddy with enough personal space to think and wonder and freak out about things he couldn't understand no matter how hard he thought about them.

He pulled out the small, leather-bound book from his bedside table and desperately tried to will some words to appear, but the yellowish pages stared back at him blankly, mocking him. He took out his wand and began casting revealing spells as he remembered them on the paper, but nothing happened, no matter how many times he repeated the spells over and over again. It didn't matter to Teddy – he had to keep trying and make this book reveal its secrets to him, reveal his father's secrets to him and tell him what was and wasn't true. What Sirius' I love you and this time meant, and how it all tied with his father and his mother, and where did he fit into this, if he did at all.

The door creaked open and Teddy heard tiny footsteps on the carpet before a new weight settled on his bed and eventually on his chest. Lily's messy hair, sticking in all directions like her father's, tickled him under the chin and he had to smile a little and give her a hug, the small book still in one hand and his wand in the other.

"What's up, Lil'?" he asked quietly, and she buried her face in the crook of his neck, her small hands embracing him as tightly as she could.

"Can't sleep," she whispered in that loud whisper of small children, and he had to place his wand on the table to pat her little head.

"Bad dreams?" he asked out of habit and his stomach jumped at those words when he remembered them coming from Sirius' mouth.

Lily shook her head, or more like nuzzled Teddy's neck with her tiny nose.

"I was worried. You're not leaving, Teddy, right? 'Cos I don't want you to leave."

Teddy raised an eyebrow at that – he sure as hell wasn't leaving if he could help it... then his stomach squeezed again. What if Lily heard Harry talking about asking Teddy to leave... because of what he had said to him?

"Where did you hear that?" he asked cautiously, hoping that wasn't the case. He should have just shut up... he had no right to say something like that to Harry... no matter how much he thought it true at the moment. He felt like something was falling apart suddenly – if they really asked him to leave, then surely Hermione and Ron would stop inviting him over too, and any pretence of family – any FAMILY Teddy ever had would just disappear... because he couldn't hold his mouth shut. Because he didn't want to understand what Harry was saying... then, it occurred to Teddy that his visit to Sirius just proved one thing... Harry had been right.

"Al told me Jamie heard Mommy telling Daddy you ran away..." she sniffled, and gripped his neck almost to the point of pain, "She was upset, and Daddy too... you're not running away, right, Teddy? I want you to stay here..."

Teddy couldn't help but smile a little. She was always like a little sun to him, a little sister he never had. Rosie had always been too intellectual, too quiet, too introverted to grow on him as much as Lily did – to always make him feel better, even when she sniffled and drooled into his shirt.

"I'm not. I couldn't leave you, princess," he smiled wider and hugged her tightly – it took just a moment for her to calm down and pull back from him, grinning:

"Then you'll make the faces for me?"

"I will," Teddy said with a solemn expression, cast a Lumos ball over the bed and changed his face the way that always made her laugh. It didn't fail this time either and she giggled madly: Teddy chuckled too and changed his face again, setting the small leather book to the bedside table. Right now... it wasn't that important. He could deal with shit later – right now, all that mattered was Lily's happy smile and a clap of her tiny hands when he did some especially loved grimace.

Her eyes began to close soon enough and Teddy gathered her in his arms, carrying her to her perfect little princess-room. Teddy didn't know if it was the crazy love with which Ginny and Harry decorated their daughter's room or the warmth Lily gave out every day, but even her room made him smile as he pulled the blankets with ponies over her and her favourite teddy bear, which Harry had to spell to change colours so it would resemble Teddy's hair.

He walked back to his room with the feeling that he would just forget what happened today and go to sleep... when his eyes slid over the cover of the small book and turned to it immediately. Small, thick letters covered the front and Teddy gulped down hard as he took it, his hand shaking.

It wasn't his father's diary. The front page said ABSOLUTE PROPERTY OF TONKS, TAKE IT AND HAVE YOUR ASS CURSED OFF YOU!!!!!!! Yes I mean it.

Teddy stared at it, his heart beating madly. It was his mother's diary, her most secret thoughts and feelings, spelled out in front of him as if she had just written in there. Tuned to Metamorphmagic, so no one else except her could read it... and now her son. He opened it with a feeling that he was committing sacrilege, but then... he was sure that if his mother knew how confused and unsure he felt, she would give it to him herself.

~*~*~*~*~*~


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Sorry for the horribly long wait... I haven't even noticed that more than a year passed since I last updated this story T_T I do plan to finish it, as I have a strange love for the pairing ever since I thought of it, but… ahem. Life gets in the way, silly thing that it is. If you have any ideas you'd like to see in the story, feel free to share, I might use them

It was his mother's diary, her most secret thoughts and feelings, spelled out in front of him as if she had just written in there. Tuned to Metamorphmagic, so no one else except her could read it... and now her son. He opened it with a feeling that he was committing sacrilege, but then... he was sure that if his mother knew how confused and unsure he felt, she would give it to him herself.

The first entry began _This is stupid_. Teddy chuckled at that: he shared the sentiments, as he always found that storing your most private thoughts on paper for everyone to read was bordering on suicidal. However, right now, it helped that his mother had decided to be a little stupid – at least he hoped it would help. With some suspicion, he began to read the whole entry, scrawled in a messy, round, too large script that indicated that the writer was either very young or very... well... mentally underdeveloped. He was sure his mother was not in the latter category, and the only way to find out the rest was to stop thinking crap and read.

_This is stupid. No, really, who writes a diary in this time and age? I didn't want a diary, I wanted to change my name for my birthday: 'Nymphadora' is the only thing Mom gave me that's stupider than this diary. Mom, if you're reading this, I REALLY hate that name! PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE let me change it? Why couldn't you name me Katie or __Julie __ Alexandra or ANYTHING else?_

_Or you could have given me that racing broom. I would SO not fall and break my neck! I'm eleven, for Merlin's sake, not four!_

_And it's not like I'm gonna make it easy for people (Mom) to spy on me and write all my thoughts here or something. No__ way in bloody hell__ chance. I'm not cursing, Mom._

Teddy blinked at the messy page and found himself actually grinning. It was obvious that his mother had been quite young when writing this, and it was heart-warming to find one of the few things he knew about her in there. She had hated her name – Grandma had told Teddy the tales of their fights about the subject, and he had used to imagine what she would be called if she could decide. Now he knew it wouldn't be Julie, by the busy scratching-out done over those few poor letters.

Also he knew that what he found was probably just his mother's school-years diary: the small book was far too thin to be holding all her life up to the sadly young age of her death. Teddy sighed and sat down on the bed, only now realizing he had been standing. It was something, for sure, it was a way of knowing who his mother had been – or at least who she had been before she became the person who met his father... but it was a bit disappointing, in a certain sense.

When Teddy realized it was his mother's diary, he had hoped he'd find something about his father in there. His father and Sirius. Because after what happened with Sirius, he needed to know. A thousand possibilities swirled in his head: did they have a thing, before Sirius went to Azkaban? Did they have a thing _after_ Sirius went to Azkaban and escaped from it, or was it just Sirius' one-sided love that never got accepted or maybe wasn't even discovered, and now Sirius regretted not telling his friend he had feelings for him...? And worst of all... did his father date his mother only because of a faint resemblance of Sirius, because his loved man died...?

Teddy groaned. These thoughts were getting him nowhere, and surely they weren't getting him any sleep tonight. At this late hour, everything seemed a possibility, and really, what could he know about his parents' reasons and principles when he never saw them except on some old photographs, and in his mind, when people told him tales old and well-known, all about how responsible his father was and how nice and kind his mother was?

He knew with bitter certainty that most people who could _really_ tell him more about his parents didn't know much themselves. Harry admired Remus Lupin, and certainly liked him sincerely, but all Remus Lupin ever was for Harry Potter was a teacher, a mentor, a friend of James Potter and Sirius Black. It was just as Harry said: several weeks, even months, weren't enough to be able to know someone, really know. It was frustrating – as if the figure of Remus Lupin had never existed, as if he were just some eerie projected image.

Teddy had never felt so far away from his father as at that moment. Maybe that was what made him pick up the diary again and continue reading, to feel connected at least to one of his parents.

To his surprise, the next page was written in a script much neater, apparently by an older person. Thrill buzzed through him as he resumed reading his mother's round letters he knew from the short notes under several of her sketches.

_Today they taught us how to spell documents safe: NOW I can use this diary freely, ha ha! Finally some useless info at the Auror training. It took some time, but I found a way to conceal this perfectly and make you show your content only to me, 'dear diary'. I don't know any other Metamorphs beside myself, so it's safe... and probably useful too, what with my head. I forget a lot of things – Roger was really mad at me last month when I forgot I was to meet him at the Leaky Cauldron. Oops. Mom told me I'm never gonna get a man if I forget every date. That's quite possible in fact. I don't know if I should find that amusing or sad... though right now, as I still remember Mom's exasperated face, I'm going for the former. _

Teddy chuckled quietly: he knew that look on Grandma's face. It always made him feel as if he was eternally doomed if he didn't get up that instant and start doing something with his life. For someone who was supposed to be all relaxed and cool as a girl, Grandma sure knew how to scold people silly.

But Grandma wasn't Teddy's greatest concern at that moment. He could feel his hands trembling as he dared to sift through the pages in case it _did_ contain some information on his father – and Sirius. Soon he realized that no matter how long he turned them, the diary always looked as if it was opened on a third, maybe fourth page. He started going through them much slowed, scanning the words quickly for some mention of what was relevant: it felt kind of wrong, disregarding so much of his mother's life for the sake of finding bits and pieces of his father's, but at the moment, Teddy wished for nothing more than to find out the truth about Sirius Black and Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks, about this weird triangle that formed in his head and refused to connect its lines clearly between these three people. He swore to himself that he would read everything properly once he was not all fidgety and restless, but he _had_ to know the truth as soon as possible.

His mother had probably taken to writing diary entries, since it took some time until Teddy's eyes caught the word _Order._ He dove for the writing, feeling slightly reluctant and horribly curious, trying to distil the answer to the question he couldn't even define properly.

_Today, I joined the Order of the Phoenix. It's this secret alliance against You-Know-Who – I was surprised to even get the invitation, what with my habit of knocking things down and stumbling over them and so on (heck, I was at least as surprised as when they let me pass the Auror exams) – but then again, this is Dumbledore recruiting. He always had crazy ideas about trustworthy staff – wonderful, yeah, but crazy._

_I also met Sirius – he's the cousin Mom used to tell me about, and it was really a bit disappointing. I mean, I know he's been in Azkaban for about a third of his life, but Mom always told me he was this crazy mischief-maker, self-assured, funny, good-looking – and none of that goes very well with who he is now, or at least what I saw in that half an hour of my first Order meeting. He greeted me nicely and all, and asked about how Mom was and all that, but there wasn't much of that spark I had expected._

Teddy found himself quietly nodding at that part. Yes, he also expected someone else from what Grandma told him... but then, Grandma used to know Sirius as a boy, still at school and long before Azkaban. That had to leave an impression on a person, and not really a positive one.

Teddy skimmed through the parts about other Order members, and it took a few pages to turn to discover the first mention of his father.

_And then there's Remus Lupin – he's Sirius' best friend, from what I heard, and Molly told me he's a werewolf so I expected this big hairy guy or something, grumpy and angry-looking, but in fact Remus is all kind and polite. Too bad they didn't let him teach at Hogwarts, he looks like he knows what he's doing._

Some feverish page-shifting brought him to another short mention, and another, and another, and mostly, they were just odd bits and pieces of not-really-information, but Teddy devoured them with something close to desperation, trying to convince himself with all the _Remus helped me today_ and _Remus said_. There was rather more on Sirius, though nothing relevant to Teddy's point. It was all mostly about what Sirius said to Severus Snape, which Teddy's mom found hilarious most of the time, and scary on a few occasions, and then there were rather vague descriptions of the old house and how it tied with Sirius' rather gloomy mood most of the time. Teddy thought that living in a house full of the heads of house-elves must've been pretty frustrating, not to say anything about the one and only house-elf survivor... but it was still faintly disturbing that his Mom seemed to know Sirius only at his worst.

The tone, however, changed as the entries neared the time around Christmas.

_Sirius was in a better mood today,_ she wrote, _despite what happened to Arthur. Molly and the kids were terribly relieved that he'll be fine, but Sirius seems to be happier about the fact that they'll be staying with him here in Grimmauld's Place for Christmas. I'm almost sorry I'll only be able to stay for a little while – Mom didn't seem all too happy about the idea of me spending Christmas somewhere else. She still didn't get over me being in the Order (as in, doing something she doesn't know about, but she knows I'm doing something dangerous, damn her sixth sense) and no doubt she'll spend most of the holidays trying to talk me out of this whole deal. Can't wait. Ha ha. _

_But at least we got the presents sorted – Remus was obviously worried about that somehow, but Sirius said they'd get Harry something together, and Remus seemed glad. He's really poor, and it's really unfair. He's great with DADA, it's a shame the jerks at the Ministry can't see past his monthly issues, despite the fact that __I'm__ more cranky on monthly basis than him. It's really, really unfair... and I thought of getting him something nice, but he probably won't accept anything big so I guess I'll get him that book he was talking about last week, he seemed pretty excited about it. I hope he'll like it – well he's that kind of a guy who'd thank me and pretend to be very happy even if I got him a cookbook or something... but I really, really want to make him smile for real. He deserves it after all the shit he has to go through every month, and not just that: I think we'd all go insane if he weren't here, especially Molly and Sirius. Speaking of which, what do I get him?_

_-socks?__ Heck, I'm not ninety, I don't get people SOCKS._

_-a new jumper, something bright and cheery?__ He'd kill me._

_-a bottle__ Yeah like he doesn't actively go through the liquor cabinet in the library often enough. Who can blame him, being locked up in this crazy house and having to listen to Snape. Merlin, I don't like that guy. He made my life living hell at Potions._

_Getting sidetracked again. What do I get Sirius? He'd appreciate a day out of this house but that's impossible._

_Though I AM a Metamorphmagus. Technically it wouldn't be impossible. But I'd have to tell Remus, he'd know right away it was me and we need somehow to plan Sirius' getaway, and Remus should go with him. I'll steal some Polyjuice at work..._

_I feel like I'm in Hogwarts again. Hell yeah._

Teddy ended up snorting with suppressed laughter at that. His mother really was mad... beautifully, warmly mad, risking a damn lot just to make Sirius happier for a few moments. He shifted through the description of family Christmas because he knew all that – if his Grandma was good at something, it was definitely keeping up with her made-up traditions like Christmas pudding or special candles that smelled of apples and cinnamon.

_I nearly died when Molly asked me to help her clean the attic. I mean, I have watched Sirius for long enough to know that sometimes it's enough to just huff and not talk much and shrug when asked, but I was still dying from nervousness. I thought she was SO going to bust me! It was about an hour before I could clean out to Buckbeak and sit there and pretend to mope for a bit – that hippogriff needs to be washed, seriously. But I'm not gonna do it: I bet he knew I wasn't Sirius too, because he kept snapping at me and shuffling. My back was killing me by the time the guys got back, but it was definitely worth it – in the end we had to use Dung's hair for the Polyjuice since me being a Metamorphmagus and all would probably end up in Sirius being disfigured for life. And Dung still worries I'll tell Mad-Eye about his shady business with the twins, so he was all that much eager to help. Sirius complained like hell and said that being Mundungus Fletcher meant the worst three hours of his life, but he positively beamed when they got back and hugged me – nothing more, but I could see it in him that it was really a great thing to him. I even thought we could do that more often, but that would be pushing it too much. And even Remus seemed to have lightened up a bit – he was the one to say 'thanks' properly in words, but it was that smile that counted. Remus smiles all the time, but somehow this felt like he meant it, and I got the feeling that this meant more to him than the book I got him. Must be pretty tough not being able to walk around normally with your best friend, I guess._

Teddy felt his breath hitch in his throat as he stared at the few sentences over and over again. Meant more to him... lightened up... thanks. At any other situation he would have not worried about it for a second, but as he remembered Sirius' words, he couldn't help but wonder whether there was something more behind all this. Was his father really just concerned about his best friend's well-being...?

"Teddy?" a sleepy voice announced Ginny just a second before she opened the door, and Teddy mentally cursed himself for not using Lumos instead of full lights: he often forgot that he could use magic freely now. He managed, just barely, to stuff the diary under his pillow and looked at Ginny's alarmed face.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yes, thanks," he managed a smile, even though he wanted nothing more than to tell her everything and beg for some advice, or even solution. She was really like a mother to him... but there were some things that almost-mothers couldn't manage. Some things, even mothers had a really hard time dealing with, and some things were impossible to say for the sons.

She watched him for a while as if she was expecting an explanation or a confession of sorts, then turned to leave him: in her long nightshirt and with her pale bare feet, she exuded a strange air of unguarded trust and it made Teddy feel so much tenderness towards her all of a sudden that he whispered loudly, calling her name:

"Ginny?"

"Yes?" she turned back, expectation and interest clearly on her face.

"Did... did Sirius tell you something about my father?"

He could tell when she didn't want to talk about something: he could always tell somehow, when he tried, and now he was focusing with all his being to feel what he couldn't hear or see. And she put up her guards so quickly that it was really impossible to overlook.

"Why do you ask?"

Teddy didn't have to think much about whether to tell her or not. She was great and trustworthy and honest and caring and tolerant, but she was also an overprotective mother and hearing him say that Sirius had kissed him in a drunken daze as he had thought Teddy was his dead father... that was never really an option.

"I was just wondering," he shrugged and gave her a small smile saying 'I'm fine'. "Good night."

"Don't stay up too long. Sweet dreams," Ginny smiled back and closed the door behind her. Teddy suddenly felt like crap. He had been going through his mother's private thoughts and memories, and Ginny's presence just made him think about how she would feel if Albus or James were doing the same to her. Not very pleased, that was for sure.

He pulled out the small diary from under the pillow and altered the colour of his hair a little bit – the writing was wiped off the pages in a second and only the dull, empty pages stared back at him. With a promise to himself to not read it again, and with knowledge he wouldn't keep that promise, Teddy fell to restless sleep.


End file.
